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I've seen a bunch of journals with these future-dated 'friends only' posts, and I think that's a really neat idea! Thing is, I don't have my journal friends-locked, and I don't plan on ever friends-locking it, so that's not a problem I really need a solution for.

I am, however, a very forgetful person, and often forget which LJ-name or net-handle matches which cherished friend/interesting person/new acquaintance. So here's what I'm doing: introduce yourself! I've done pages like this before, but they become outdated and I forget where I put them, and new people never see them. So, putting it here, at the top, where it can't be missed.

Who are you? How did you get here? If you're not going to friend me, feel free to comment anyway, like it's a guestbook. If you've already friended me, introduce yourself! Already done so? Certain I know you? Do it again! Like I said, I forget, and this will be the final copy, the last time I ask. I promise (I hope?).

So... hello! I'm Audrey, and you are? :)

Edit: Updated for my new and much preferred name.

Just think of me as having regenerated.

Hello everyone, to anyone for whom activity on my part is interesting.  If you don't give a fig, that's fine too.  I've been gone for a long time.  Long enough to come back as someone else; long enough to have been a couple of other people in the interim.  Suffice it to say that I'm glad you're seeing me now; I'm doing well, and I'm the best me I've ever been.

I don't know if I'm properly coming back to LiveJournal; I'm not sure if it's an outlet that I still need.  I do know, however, that I knew some amazing people here; most casually, some personally.  If anyone would like to stay in touch with me in a more mainstream medium, I'm Audrey Sterling -- the one from Amarillo -- on Facebook.  You can also PM me -- there or here -- for more direct means of contact like Skype or phone if appropriate.  Feel free to say hi, but I recommend that you remind me who you are and how we know each other; my memory's never been great, and I promise it's nothing personal if it takes me a minute.

As I said, I'm doing well, and as is obvious, I've changed a lot.  I've been on hormone therapy for four months, living full time as the woman I am for... huh.  Fancy that.  One year exactly to the day.  Life's funny, isn't it?  I'm looking forward to a tremendous trip to Dallas, then to Atlanta, then to Fort Lauderdale to visit a convention, my SO(ulmate), and a beloved friend in that order.  I am extraordinarily happy and have nothing but high hopes for the future.

I hope that life is treating all of you at least as well as it is me, and I look forward to reconnecting with those who wish it.

All the best,
...here's the letter I've written Rondo.  Not a lot to say about it; pretty much all that's germane is contained therein.  I guess it's theoretically personal, but there's nothing very private in it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights to share, I'd welcome them.

This is in response to a letter he sent me talking about how hard it's been not being in touch with me and etc, apologizing for what he's done, etc.Collapse )

Kitten update!

     I've been a while in posting because I didn't want to put anything up without having come up with a name for the kitten.  I liked everyone's suggestions, both here and in the Reddit thread I started in r/twoxchromosomes/, but I just can't use any of the suggestions.  Why?  I started from a flawed premise.  I wanted to name her for a good female role model, but none of the names seemed right.  Boudica was good but not quite there.  I liked the idea of naming her for Donna Noble but... honestly, I'm not crazy about calling a cat Donna (aunt's name, for bonus bleh points).

     I finally realized what the big issue is, though; cats are not role models.  No good female role models fit her personality because nobody with her personality should be considered a role model!  So I reconsidered.  Characters who fit her personality.  She'd make a fine Asuka, but I'm tired of cats with Japanese names (sorry Misato and Yoshi).  Also, my mother would call her Oscar.  No way.  Fortunately, there's another character she fits perfectly.

     Her fur has a fiery color.  She's very sweet and cordial when it suits her purposes and an utter terror when she gets bored.  If you don't want to play with her she'll play with you anyway in so infuriating and terrorizing a fashion that you'll soon see the wisdom of being her playmate voluntarily.  The real clincher came when, upon individually introducing her to Zacky and Lobo, I found that both dogs are utterly terrified of her.  They each got close enough to smell her once, then both tried to flee the room.

     Terrifying, capricious, evil, fiery.  Yeah.  I think I'm naming her Azula.

     She continues to climb into Roswell's habitat even though, several nights ago, I heard a yowl of pain and looked in to see her clutching her paw and looking mortified while Roswell peered smugly out of her shell.  I thought that she was just curious and wanted to pester the turtle, but further observation makes me think that she just really likes hanging around her.  She goes in and plays with the dirt and paws at Roswell's shell and kind of lays about.  It's like any anime you ever see in which the perky girl considers herself bestest friends with the gloomy grump.  It's like 'Hey Ros!  What's new with you?' 'Hssss.' 'Haha!  Classic Roswell.' '...'

     Also, she may be fond of borrowing the turtle's heat lamp.

     Adorable, no?  Now I just need to change Ros' name to Mai and get a ferret named Ty Lee and I'll have my very own Ozai's Angels!

Which is correct: Trekkie or Trekker?

If the individuals in question have a sense of humour about themselves, realize that they're proud members of a culture of adults who've held onto the childhood joy of playing astronauts, and know not to take anything to do with fandom too seriously... then you call them Trekkies.

If, on the other hand, they have absolutely no sense of humour about themselves, feel that Star Trek is sacrosanct and is less a culture and more a rigid set of rules and facts which must be adhered to religiously, and think that fandom is serious business... you call them Trekkies and laugh.

I had a long talk with the kitten.

I explained to her the concepts of context and stereotypes.

I told her, patiently, that our actions do not reflect solely upon ourselves, but upon our communities as a whole.

I even brought up some helpful illustrations, via Google Image Search, to show her what negative cliches she was reinforcing.

I'm afraid it all fell upon deaf ears.  To my dismay:

She is a stripey orange cat who will do anything to get at my lasagna. *sigh*

How can we move beyond the hurtful labels if we only live down to them, kitten?  Please try to be more image-conscious in the future.

An unexpected guest.

I went out to the car really quick to look for something and, upon returning to the house, found this underfoot:

In the brief window in which both the garage and laundry room doors were open she apparently ninj'd her way in so that, as I opened the door into the kitchen, she looked up at me and uttered a matter-of-fact 'mew.'  Being a clever and thoroughly aware individual I quickly saw through her ruse, deducing that she was not one of the two cats already in residence (as they are approximately five times her size and not nearly so orange).

Just the same I have played along, giving her a sinkbath and feeding her an entire can of kitten food (in one go!  Her belly now looks like she swallowed a baseball).  Just a half an hour ago she actually made use of the improvised litter box under my computer desk (then stared at what she'd made for five minutes as though concerned that it might attempt to climb back in) and has now slipped into the adorable state of unconsciousness in which I have documented her.

I don't know whether or not we'll be keeping her.  I mean, I hate the notion of her ending up with people who wouldn't care for her, and the humane society is simply out of the question.  But she's a kitten, and they have a strong tendency to ultimately become cats.  I love cats, don't get me wrong, but I have trouble keeping up with the care and feeding of my turtle!  A turtle!  It's a rock with legs it seldom uses!

Still, we do already have two cats, and though this brings us exactly one cat closer to critical mass I think we could manage without too much additional fuss.

So.  Maybe with the keeping.  The real question is... what do I name her?  Open to suggestions.

The battle's far from won

(Someone on my friends list posted, in light of it being National Coming Out Day, asking what she could do as a straight ally.  I posted this response and figured I might as well put it in my journal as well.)

Off the top of my head, and with no specific relevance to you, I'd advocate endeavoring to remain aware of the folk in between.  Bi, trans, intersex, asexual, etc.  In many respects the public acceptance of GLBTQ has only gotten as far as the first two letters; even among liberals (hell, even among gays) the remaining letters are often viewed as weird or invalid, and frequently they're treated as wholly invisible.

The straight-acting gay couple who disassociate themselves from and snark about the blokechick with a beard and a dress are doing immeasurable harm and betraying the equality of the civil rights movement; they aren't destroying the barriers they've railed against for so long, they're just stepping onto the privileged side, changing the label on the pariahs from 'queer' to 'TOO queer'.  Hell, give me Fred Phelps over Dan Savage anyway; at least I know not to listen to Phelps, but when a seemingly right-minded gay columnist says that bisexuals are nothing but greedy sex addicts incapable of fidelity or love, it cuts like a knife.

Anyway, sorry for the rant.  Just letting you know how the equality battle's looking from the middle front, as it were.  I keep hearing from gays how 'we're almost there' and we have 'just a little farther to go'.  I look around at the depictions and treatments of bisexuals, transsexuals, transgendered, and other 'others' and realize that they aren't talking about me.

As a straight ally, just be aware of the rest of us.  I'm not saying that you aren't, just asking that you do.  Recognize bisexuality and transsexuality where they exist and notice when they're ignored.  Speak up, if you feel comfortable, when someone suggests that bisexuals are greedy, indecisive, or trendy, or that folk who straddle gender lines need to 'tone it down' or in any other way conform with the artificial gender binary.

Just please be aware of us.  I'm reminded of the classic phrase, 'we're here, we're queer, get used to it'.  Gays and lesbians are seeing that chant come true, right down to the final words.  The rest of us, unfortunately, are still fighting for the first two.

I hate being an absentee poster...

...but I just haven't really had anything to think about.  Anything notable is of the small 'went and hung (hanged?) with Garr' variety or of the vast 'I've been pondering this over the course of many weeks' variety.

That amazing gal I'm interested in is... well, she's still amazing.  She still says she's into me.  She also still isn't making up her mind on whether she wants to go back to her ex or not.  Yeah, it's been about two months now.  Part of me wants to tantrum (either outwardly at her or inwardly in self-hate ways) at the interpretation that I must not mean much to her if blah blah blah, but honestly... that feels pretty high school.

It's a conflicting situation just because there are so many ways to interpret my response to it.  I'm being patient.  That feels mature, but it could also be read as my slipping back into the passive 'hanged man' mentality.  Once upon a time I would have vanished utterly to remove the pressure of the choice from her.  At another time I would have done everything I could to make myself useful/wanted/appealing so that she'd PICK ME! PICK ME!  Now... I dunno.  I'm remaining present in her life but not very just because she's always busy and it's not fun having to ambush her with a cold call.  I'm very clear with my feelings when I do see her and I've made it quite clear that I'm not rushing her, but I am waiting.

Define 'waiting', right?  I don't know.  I guess I'm not holding my breath but I'm not closing the door either.  Maybe that's not a flattering message to send; I know that my behavior can easily be read as 'he's just not that into you'.  For that matter, so can hers.  All I can rely on in that case is that we've both said, clearly and earnestly, that we <i>are</i> that into each other, and this is just how we, being hyperanalytical nerds, handle situations like this.

I feel like I'm in an XKCD comic.  It's hard to say whether that comes out as a positive or negative statement.  Maybe I should make a graph.

I know that Hitch says that I'm supposed to come ninety and hold until she comes ten (yes, he says that about kissing, but it's obviously a microcosm of the relationship as a whole), but I'm not crazy about established gender roles and this gal seems the sort to agree that the dynamic shouldn't just be that the male pursues the female.  I think both parties should come fifty and meet in the middle.  I'm not saying I'm bringing 50% of a fully functional relationship to the table, but I think I'm going fifty as far as courtship goes.  According to Mr. Hitchins, I now hold for as long as it takes for her to come the rest of the way.

So I'm holding.

"Ground Zero Mosque" to relocate

Running brown folk out of town is still an American value.  Stay classy, New York.  Fuck, stay classy America, considering all the horrific racist fucking bullshit all over the goddamned country.

The bad guys won today.  Fuck.