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I hate being an absentee poster...

...but I just haven't really had anything to think about.  Anything notable is of the small 'went and hung (hanged?) with Garr' variety or of the vast 'I've been pondering this over the course of many weeks' variety.

That amazing gal I'm interested in is... well, she's still amazing.  She still says she's into me.  She also still isn't making up her mind on whether she wants to go back to her ex or not.  Yeah, it's been about two months now.  Part of me wants to tantrum (either outwardly at her or inwardly in self-hate ways) at the interpretation that I must not mean much to her if blah blah blah, but honestly... that feels pretty high school.

It's a conflicting situation just because there are so many ways to interpret my response to it.  I'm being patient.  That feels mature, but it could also be read as my slipping back into the passive 'hanged man' mentality.  Once upon a time I would have vanished utterly to remove the pressure of the choice from her.  At another time I would have done everything I could to make myself useful/wanted/appealing so that she'd PICK ME! PICK ME!  Now... I dunno.  I'm remaining present in her life but not very just because she's always busy and it's not fun having to ambush her with a cold call.  I'm very clear with my feelings when I do see her and I've made it quite clear that I'm not rushing her, but I am waiting.

Define 'waiting', right?  I don't know.  I guess I'm not holding my breath but I'm not closing the door either.  Maybe that's not a flattering message to send; I know that my behavior can easily be read as 'he's just not that into you'.  For that matter, so can hers.  All I can rely on in that case is that we've both said, clearly and earnestly, that we <i>are</i> that into each other, and this is just how we, being hyperanalytical nerds, handle situations like this.

I feel like I'm in an XKCD comic.  It's hard to say whether that comes out as a positive or negative statement.  Maybe I should make a graph.

I know that Hitch says that I'm supposed to come ninety and hold until she comes ten (yes, he says that about kissing, but it's obviously a microcosm of the relationship as a whole), but I'm not crazy about established gender roles and this gal seems the sort to agree that the dynamic shouldn't just be that the male pursues the female.  I think both parties should come fifty and meet in the middle.  I'm not saying I'm bringing 50% of a fully functional relationship to the table, but I think I'm going fifty as far as courtship goes.  According to Mr. Hitchins, I now hold for as long as it takes for her to come the rest of the way.

So I'm holding.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
musicalchaos
Oct. 3rd, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
Y'know. Other than the uncertainty about an ex, this feels very, very reminiscent of my own love life of late. Someone awesome, exceedingly busy, interest displayed on both sides, but busy makes for one hell of an impediment. So I'm toeing the line between trying to keep the channels of communication open (already jokingly admitted and had it seriously confirmed that it has fallen to me on that count) and making sure she knows there's still interest and patience all while attempting to keep from crowding and demanding attention that she may not have to spare currently.

Sorry for the rambly. I've not been talking about this overmuch for a number of reasons, and it's nice (in a manner of speaking) to see that there are those who can probably grok. Either way, I hope things end up resolving themselves to the best for the both of you. Sooner rather than later would probably also be welcome.
earthscorch
Oct. 3rd, 2010 09:41 pm (UTC)
I'd be wary of someone who can't decide if they want to go back to their ex or not after two months...
runeenigma
Oct. 4th, 2010 05:23 am (UTC)
I have no sage advice, only best wishes and ::hugs::
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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